I have been re-playing and reliving those last sad agonizing hours –those unanswered phone calls from him to me. I remain haunted by the unanswered questions.
For whatever reason he was reaching out to me –and I will likely never really know why –the fact that he did is what led the police to contact me following his horrific and tragic death by suicide.
As I mentioned in my last letter to you, we had not yet announced our coming together to his friends or family. We had so wanted to do this together –in person. They likely would not have known to contact me –or how…
I may well have gone through days of agonizing why he wasn’t calling me –emailing me–texting me–or returning my attempts at contacting him.
I may have found out about his tragic and horrific death by an internet posting, a newspaper article, a rumour, or some other ghastly impersonal way….
His reaching out to me may well have been his last and most loving gift to me….
I am shaking and crying so hard I can barely type….
This is going to take some time to process…
Originally published by Inshock on the Alliance of Hope Forum for Suicide Loss Survivors and reprinted with permission.