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Survivor Experience: Finding Hope

I’m writing this for people who may feel quite hopeless right now. I want to share something that gives a little bit of hope to those who need it.

I just passed the one-year anniversary. It was horrendous. The pain cut very, very deep. Then the weekend after, something amazing happened.

I have made two new friends recently. Last weekend they came over voluntarily to my house with a bunch of tools, and spent several hours building a new dedicated workspace for my small business.

I stood there gob smacked as they hammered, sawed and nailed wood all morning. Not for themselves, but for me. An act of pure unadulterated kindness. They will probably never know how much it meant to me.

It’s only here on the forum that I can admit that four months ago I wanted to end my suffering by ending my life. I know that suicide loss can do this to many of us. It brings us absolutely to our knees and we can’t see a way out of the darkness.

If we hold on, by sheer persistence we can get through to a better place where we want to live again. I never thought I would get to this point. I could not see it. But standing in the winter sunshine watching my friends carry out an amazing act of simple human kindness for me, which will improve my life, I felt deeply thankful to still be alive to see it happen.

I’m forever changed and the pain of my loss will never end, but it’s softened enough that I can live just a little bit more than I could before.

If you are reading this and feeling hopeless, please know it is really possible to get better, by holding on for dear life, one day at a time.

 

Originally published by Cathy70 on the Alliance of Hope Forum for Suicide Loss Survivors and reprinted with permission.