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joy and grief
Losing a Parent

Joy and Grief

Today, I read something from a suicide survivor’s group I belong to. The member said, “It’s possible to feel grief and joy at the same time.”   

Next Friday makes 5 months since my mom took her life. I miss her tremendously and still cry often, but I am experiencing moments of joy along with grief. Honestly, I’m shocked by this. I did not expect to experience anything close to joy, let alone peace, but I do. Guilt sometimes creeps in, but I’m realizing more and more on this journey that mixed emotions, sometimes in the same moment, are normal. 
I was able to sit down and write a letter to my mom yesterday. I didn’t know where to start, so I sat, prayed, and waited. I read a few devotionals and waited. Then I remembered a birthday card to me from my mom. I found it earlier this week. It started with, “I can’t imagine our world without you.” My heart felt crushed. I started writing, and of course, the tears flowed. But afterward, I felt a sense of peace. 
This is a journey that requires so much tenderness, and I’m allowing myself to go through it, with all the ups and downs, and with grace. I appreciate everyone who is also on this journey. It’s tough, but I know my being a member of the Alliance of Hope Forum has really helped me to get to this place. I won’t lie. I’m anxious about Mother’s Day coming up, but I know I’m not alone, and I will be okay. 

About the Author

Wisdom From Our Community

"Wisdom From Our Community" posts originally appeared on the Alliance of Hope Forum for Suicide Loss Survivors and are reprinted with the permission of the authors. Our online forum transcends time and distance, offering a culture of kindness, hope, and understanding to people who have lost loved ones to suicide. Operating like a 24/7 support group, our forum is supervised by a mental health professional and moderated by a trained team of loss survivors. Members can read and comment, share their stories, and connect with other suicide loss survivors.Read More »