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I Cannot Change It Now

I Cannot Change It Now

Today, I can feel the sun as I sit outside. It is a beautiful Spring day. Days like these bring some peace and rest. This feels amazing, coming out of a tough few weeks.

I usually come on to the Alliance of Hope forum, when I am at a really low place, reading others’ messages or writing my own to feel some support and comfort. I am glad to come on today with a peaceful feeling.

The past few days have been difficult. I stayed up for hours reading the forum, feeling so much longing and sorrow. I reread every email I have from my brother and wished there were more. I did the same thing with pictures. I could hear his voice and feel his presence, and it felt really painful knowing that there won’t be any new moments.

However, it reminded me of endless memories that I have from the past. I will carry my brother with me always. I will use my experience of loss as a learning experience, an experience that can make me more empathetic and understanding. I will find strength and a purpose in life, and my brother will follow me every step of the way. I do not know why this happened, but I must understand I cannot change it now. I can only move forward and give love to others who may be struggling.

I cry while writing this. Longing for my brother is so hard, but I know life must continue, and the best thing that I can do is remember him and cherish what I have in my heart and mind. He will remain with me, in every moment.

I hope everyone on this forum today can feel a little bit of hope and peace, even during such loss and pain.

About the Author

Wisdom From Our Community

"Wisdom From Our Community" posts originally appeared on the Alliance of Hope Forum for Suicide Loss Survivors and are reprinted with the permission of the authors. Our online forum transcends time and distance, offering a culture of kindness, hope, and understanding to people who have lost loved ones to suicide. Operating like a 24/7 support group, our forum is supervised by a mental health professional and moderated by a trained team of loss survivors. Members can read and comment, share their stories, and connect with other suicide loss survivors.Read More »