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I Know I am Getting Better

After ten months, I know I am getting better because:

  • I cry much less. 
  • I can tell people in a matter-of-fact way that my brother died by suicide.
  • I laugh.
  • I can think about other things.
  • I have reached back out to my friends. When my brother died, I shut the world out.
  • I baked I-don’t-know-how-many-dozens of cookies for a church fete.
  • My iPod and I have walked miles and miles this fall. In this late fall, I see the beauty of nature shutting down for the winter: the brilliant yellow leaves in the sunshine, the huge number of acorns the mighty oaks gave up, and, of course, those deep blue autumn skies here in the northeast.
  • I no longer drag myself through the supermarket in a fog.
  • I am so much less angry.
  • I am beginning to feel some inner peace – almost this Zen-like feeling.
  • I wish I could get back to doing some serious reading, but I’m not there yet. I can do newspapers, but I don’t have the concentration for books.
  • It’s remarkable what we human beings can come back from. I think about my darkest days, and I didn’t think I was going to make it. Now I know I will make it and have a good, productive future life.
  • I am deeply grateful to the people who have helped me. They have helped me cope with breast cancer, the loss of my mother, and the suicide of my brother. What a 15-month period this has been! I now realize I am still standing. That, in itself, is an accomplishment. 

How do you know you are getting better?