Some of the most powerful guidance for surviving grief doesn’t come from books or therapists — it comes from people who have walked the same road. On the Alliance of Hope online forum, thousands of suicide loss survivors have been doing exactly that since 2008: showing up for one another in the darkest moments with honesty, creativity, and hard-won wisdom. The conversation below began with one member’s quiet fear about an upcoming anniversary. What they received in return was something unexpected — a small, generous idea that transformed dread into purpose. We share it here in the hope that it might do the same for you.
Forum Member Deep Roots wrote:
“Ever since my brother died, I’ve been deeply troubled by the number 25. Every month that has passed since the 25th has been a bad day. Now I’m just a few days away from THE DAY and I am scared. It’s going to be so hard. If I could do anything with my emotions other than just sit dry-eyed and miserable, I might not be so nervous. But I haven’t really been able to cry in a long time.
I always advise people to keep their grief moving (I stole that advice from a podcast) but I don’t know what that means for me. Especially since I can’t really cry. Any suggestions? How do you actively honor and grieve your loved ones in a healthy way? How do you keep your grief moving? I need to try some stuff.”
Forum Member BetterDays2000 replied:
“I did something really weird, upon the request of my therapist, on the 31st (my partner died on Halloween). Every month, if I could afford it, I bought 31 of something, usually candy.
And on that day, I gave 31 people a gift. It might be a tiny Snicker Bar to the bank teller, eight waitresses at Applebee’s, four people at a bus stop, etc. I had to search for 31 people to ‘bless.’
One month I went to the dollar store and bought 31 small stuffed animals and took them to a nursing home and gave each one out to people on the Alzheimer’s unit.
If I couldn’t afford gifts, I typed up 31 Bible verses, or quotes, or compliments and handed out ‘cards.’ For example: You are a hard worker! You are doing a great job! You are beautiful inside and out.
I didn’t want to do it at first, but it forced me to think of others on the 31st and spread joy even when I felt like crap. People smile at you when you do that too, so it changes your chemicals, even just a little.
Not sure if that helps, but know I used to dread every month that had 31 days.
I am sorry you are going through all this.”
