Some of the most powerful guidance for surviving grief doesn’t come from books or therapists — it comes from people who have walked the same road. On the Alliance of Hope online forum, thousands of suicide loss survivors have been showing up for one another in the darkest moments with honesty, creativity, and hard-won wisdom since 2008. The following conversation began when one member expressed a quiet fear about an upcoming anniversary. What they received in return was unexpected—a small, generous idea that transformed dread into purpose. We share it here in the hope that it might do the same for you.
Forum Member Deep Roots wrote:
“Ever since my brother died, I’ve been deeply troubled by the number 25. Every month that has passed since the 25th has been a bad day. Now I’m just a few days away from THE DAY and I am scared. It’s going to be so hard. If I could do anything with my emotions other than just sit dry-eyed and miserable, I might not be so nervous. But I haven’t really been able to cry in a long time.
I always advise people to keep their grief moving (I stole that advice from a podcast) but I don’t know what that means for me. Especially since I can’t really cry. Any suggestions? How do you actively honor and grieve your loved ones in a healthy way? How do you keep your grief moving? I need to try some stuff.”
Forum Member BetterDays2000 replied:
“I did something really weird, upon the request of my therapist, on the 31st (my partner died on Halloween). Every month, if I could afford it, I bought 31 of something, usually candy.
And on that day, I gave 31 people a gift. It might be a tiny Snicker Bar to the bank teller, eight waitresses at Applebee’s, four people at a bus stop, etc. I had to search for 31 people to ‘bless.’
One month I went to the dollar store and bought 31 small stuffed animals and took them to a nursing home and gave each one out to people on the Alzheimer’s unit.
If I couldn’t afford gifts, I typed up 31 Bible verses, or quotes, or compliments and handed out ‘cards.’ For example: You are a hard worker! You are doing a great job! You are beautiful inside and out.
I didn’t want to do it at first, but it forced me to think of others on the 31st and spread joy even when I felt like crap. People smile at you when you do that too, so it changes your chemicals, even just a little.
Not sure if that helps, but know I used to dread every month that had 31 days.
I am sorry you are going through all this.”
