Yesterday, while searching through my old digital journals for something specific, I found a short piece written around two years after the loss of my child. I must have heard an interview or something because I was questioning if the woman was truthful about finding peace and acceptance of her son’s passing five years earlier. At the time, I could not imagine that this was really, really possible. Although I wanted to heal from this pain with all my heart, I didn’t know if it was possible.
And now I’m questioning why this healing message isn’t heard more and shouted from the rooftops. Is this supposed to be a big secret, and I missed the memo? Even the grief counselor said something like this isn’t possible.
As time passed, I learned to take each day as it comes with whatever pain or joy, for how long it may last. I learned not to project my whole future on what I felt on any given day. Life, as well as grief, is fluid and always changing, even if you don’t see it. It is in looking back that we notice changes, subtle at first, especially if it feels as if you are rooted in one spot for eternity.
I also learned that love could conquer many things, and it does soothe grief. To remember with love rather than tears helped a lot, too. Great change happens when we use loving thoughts instead of hating a situation or experience. It is too easy to fall into the trap of being a victim of life, but when we accept life as it is and do not fight it because it is not as we think it ‘should’ be, it gets easier, too. After all, life is not happening to you; it only responds to your thoughts and feelings. Your thoughts and beliefs are the building blocks of your future, whether good or bad.
Choosing love and acceptance over resistance smoothed out a lot of impossible mountains. But I will add that even that didn’t happen within those first two years. I was an adult toddler kicking and screaming at everything in life for its unfairness. Shifting from anger and resentment to love and forgiveness changed this pain into unexpected growth and healing. As my thoughts changed, everything else flowed, too.
Remember, you will not always feel the way you do right now.
