There are many words that are used when a person is grieving. Words such as “closure,” “letting go,” “moving on,” and “getting over it.” I believe those words do not really help much. I think they put too much pressure on the grieving person, giving them yet another thing to do as if the grief itself was not a large enough task.
How can we “let go” of a child who has passed? How can we have “closure” when our parent succumbs to suicide? How can we “get over” a lifetime relationship that began with young love? We don’t have to “move on” or “let go” or have “closure” and we certainly do not have to “get over it.”
Our relationship will continue. They will always be dear to us because even though they have left, our love for them does not die and we hold their memories close to us.
We can hold on to them by remembering. Remembering not only the struggles but also the good times. We can learn to live our lives like they could not.
So, as far as getting over it? How can we “get over” raising and loving a child? Or nurturing a loving relationship with a spouse? How can we “get over” losing a parent or sibling or friend? Wouldn’t it be nicer, and much more realistic, to just take them with us? To keep loving them from here.
Eventually, we will integrate this experience into the rest of our lives. We don’t have to let them go. We can choose to rebuild our lives and take them with us, not just in our minds, but in our hearts.
