In Remembrance of Joseph Elias Kushnick

Dear Joe,  You are my heart. I think of you every single day. You are always loved and never forgotten.  

The Grief Between

My grief lies between. In the spaces between one task and another. In the space between the prayer and the amen.
My grief does not flow into my eyes, it is lurking behind them where you can't usually see it.
It comes upon me in the music of a song, in the walk through the woods. It lies in wait. It does not spoil my happy moments, but raises its head between the sips of coffee at the coffee shop, or while waiting for the light to change.
Almost never overwhelming, it hovers like the sun starting to set, like the father waiting for the child to be born; like almost falling asleep.
And then I wake, realizing that I have been there; subtly in grief.
I don't usually acknowledge it. We have become wary friends. I know it will always be there for me, as long as I live, keeping me company as I go through my days. I feel it in every molecule of my being, like the air I breathe and the blood in my veins.
I can live with this grief in between. I can be happy and productive and alive.
With grief in between.

Debra Kushnick, Oct 8, 2019