When news arrives that a loved one has died by suicide, survivors are catapulted onto a journey. It is not an easy journey, and no one chooses it. Debilitating emotions and unexpected challenges leave many people feeling alone, overwhelmed, and wondering how, and if, they will survive. In the early days, weeks, and months of loss, consciously establishing a “circle of support” can be helpful. It can provide some of the much-needed comfort and reassurance one needs.
This circle may include friends, family, acquaintances, and even pets, all of whom provide invaluable emotional, psychological, and practical support when coping becomes especially challenging.
When my stepson, Channing, died in 1995, it felt like the world had tipped on its side. In the days, weeks, and months after his death, I was tossed around by powerful and ever-changing emotions as well as obsessive thoughts. I could not focus on anything for more than a few minutes. At work, I would read and reread a document only to recall nothing of what I had just read. I felt incredibly isolated. At the time, I described it as “having a wall of glass between me and the rest of the world.”
At some point, perhaps a month or two after Chan’s death, I can recall sitting down at my desk. Feeling profoundly alone, I began to write out a list of people I could lean on. I’m not sure what prompted me to do that, but I found it helped. A lot. Though this simple act did not erase my grief, it provided a tangible reminder of the support available to me. I kept the list on my desk for several years, always within sight.
My list was short yet critical to my emotional well-being. It included my daughters, my mother, a few close friends, my acupuncturist, my psychiatrist, and the grief counselor I was seeing, who specialized in suicide loss. Each person on that list represented a lifeline—a reassuring presence who could help guide me through the tumultuous emotions of grief.
Looking back now, I realize my list served multiple purposes. It acted as a buffer against the isolating nature of grief and encouraged me to reach out for support from those willing to help with concrete tasks while listening without judgment.
In the traditional Western medical model, a similar concept exists under the name “treatment team.” While treatment teams usually combine healthcare professionals and support workers in a professional setting, a circle of support encompasses those who genuinely know you or who have shared experiences of grief. Their collective understanding and empathy can be incredibly powerful.
Making a list, like I did, is actually quite simple. You can start by identifying people you feel comfortable talking to when your emotions become too much to handle. Your circle may evolve over time; old friends may come and go, while new connections may emerge, offering fresh perspectives on your grief. Even pets can play a crucial role in this circle, providing companionship and unconditional love when human interactions feel too intense.
By identifying and surrounding yourself with those who honor your pain and offer hope for the future, you can cultivate a safe space to process your emotions. During such difficult times, having a reminder that support is always within reach—even when you feel alone—can be a source of immense comfort and strength.
If you’re feeling alone in your grief, it’s important to know that support is available. You can reach out to the Alliance of Hope Forum to connect with others who understand your pain, or consider making an appointment with a suicide grief expert who can provide guidance and reassurance during this difficult time. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
