Five months ago, I was given the most devastating news that my dad had taken his own life. During the first couple of months I was not able to function as the event that took place clouded every inch of my thinking. I struggled to accept or understand what my dad had done and the complexity of his death was overwhelming to say the least.
Somewhere along the line however, I chose to live, and from that moment on I have found a strength that keeps manifesting and growing. I realized that it was possible to live a happy life again so long as I allowed myself to do so. Rather than continuing to seek answers to questions that cannot now and will never be answered, I chose to release myself from being stuck in my grief.
Dad chose to end his life, and if I were to have let it, the darkness of the grief and pain that I endured could have consumed me as well. An important part of being able to release myself from the grief was to ground myself in the life I have now and the people that are still here. I cannot bring my dad back and, although I will always love and miss him, I need to make the most of the people in my life now.
The reality is that life can end so quickly and I do not want to regret not making the most out of the precious time that we have on this Earth, nor do I want to feel that life isn’t worth living, when it most definitely is once you realize the joy again of sharing moments with those you love.
I am still here and I still have my life to live.