Five months ago I was given the most devastating news that my dad had taken his own life. During the first couple of months I was not able to function as the event that took place clouded every inch of my thinking. I struggled to accept or understand what my dad had done and the complexity of his death was overwhelming to say the least.
Somewhere along however–I chose to live–and from that moment on. I have found a strength that keeps manifesting and growing. I realized that it was possible to live a happy life again so long as I allowed myself to do so. Rather than continuing to seek answers to questions that cannot now and will never be answered, I chose to release myself from being stuck in my grief.
Dad chose to end his life, and if I were to have let it, the darkness of the grief and pain that I endured could have consumed me also. An important part of being able to release myself from the grief was to ground myself in the life I have now and the people that are still here. I cannot bring my dad back and although I will always love and miss him, I need to make the most of the people in my life now.
The reality is that life can end so quickly and I do not want to regret not making the most out of the precious time that we have on this Earth, nor do I want to feel that life isn’t worth living, when actually it most definitely is once you realize the joy again of sharing moments with those you love.
I am still here and I still have my life to live.