Autumn is here. The air is a bit cooler, and leaves have begun to change, marking not just the arrival of fall but also the start of a season filled with holidays and celebrations. For those grieving the loss of a loved one, this time of year can evoke a complicated mix of emotions.
Halloween is the first holiday to arrive. Several of my neighbors began decorating in early September. Their lawns are adorned with witches and scary cats. I’ve not seen any tombstones yet, but if things go the way they have in the past, I expect plastic graveyards, spider webs, and lots of skeletons will appear on the block. In years past, one neighbor (an event designer) turned his yard into a lifelike cemetery, complete with grave robbers. In 1995, just months after my stepson Chan died, I arrived home to find that our new next-door neighbors had hired someone to stage a realistic model of a person dangling from their roof. (With due credit – they did not know about our loss and took it down as soon as they learned.)
The way death is commercialized during this season can be particularly challenging. Some people choose costumes and decorations that portray horror or suffering. That can trigger emotions and memories of our painful experiences, which society often tends to overlook. As survivors of suicide loss, it’s important to acknowledge that while the world may treat death lightly, our grief is profound and personal.
As Halloween and other holidays approach, I hope you will be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise. Trust your instincts; if you need to step back from festivities that feel overwhelming, do so. Engage in activities that bring you comfort. Grief is a profoundly personal journey; there is no “right” way to experience it.
Consider establishing your own rituals to honor your loved ones this coming holiday season. Whether lighting a candle, visiting their resting place, or sharing stories celebrating their spirit, meaningful gestures can bring comfort amidst grief.
Healing from such a significant loss is a gradual process unique to everyone. Know that you are not alone. On the Alliance of Hope Forum, you can connect with others who understand what you are going through at any time of the day or night.
This Halloween, it is not necessary to mask your grief. As a community, we can offer each other compassion and understanding – during the holidays and every day. We can find strength in embracing our joy and sorrow and sharing that.
