In Remembrance of Steven Westerfield

My big brother. My protector. My childhood best friend (and occasional tormentor). I feel like I failed you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I wish I could turn back time and answer the phone. I wish I would have just let you talk. Instead I gave you the tough love I thought you needed. I told you what I thought you needed to hear, but in reality you just needed to know you were loved, heard, and seen. You needed me in the most vulnerable moment of your life and I let you down. I’m so sorry, Steven. 

I want you to know how much I love you. Everyone loves you. You were truly the strongest person I’ve ever known. Every single time life knocked you down, you got right back up with resilience. Your independence and strength will always inspire me to overcome everything life throws at me. You were NOT a burden. You were everything I aspire to be. Strong, resilient, outspoken, brave, tough, authentic, driven, adventurous, generous, caring, and goofy. 

Your love for the wilderness gave you so many unique experiences and wild stories to tell. You’re one of the few people I know who enjoyed squeezing your over 6 foot tall body into small caves and abandoned mines. There wasn’t a thrill you didn’t seek. Your passion for exploring gave you an escape and I find comfort knowing you spent your life doing what you truly loved to do. As I struggle with my own mental heath, I try to encourage myself to find solace in nature just as you did. But don’t get me wrong, ain’t no way I’m riding a bull or exploring any caves. That was all you!

I miss your laugh. No matter what you were going through, you never failed to make a joke out of anything. You chose the perfect moments to respond with “That’s what she said” or “Your face” just to make us laugh. Laughter truly is the best medicine. Maybe that’s why I love making people laugh so much. I’m sure there are people who find it annoying. But laughter brings me closer to you. Making others smile is healing. I loved that most about you. You never hid who you were. You were always your true authentic self and if others didn’t like it, you knew they weren’t your people. I’m proud of you for standing firm on that. You inspire me. 

I miss you, Stevie. Every single day feels like I’m restarting the day we lost you all over again. Like a constant punch to the gut. Your absence shuttered us all like an earthquake. There have been so many days where I swear a hug from you would have healed me instantly. I feel like that’s so selfish of me to say. I just remind myself that you’ll always have my back, just like you told me.

I love you, big brother. I always have and I always will. Your presence on this earth and the impact you had on your family and friends will never be forgotten. You touched lives in ways that I don’t think you realized. I only wish we had done a better job of reminding you of how important you were. 

Thank you for believing in me, encouraging me, and telling me you were proud of me. I promise I won’t let you down. I am the person I’ve become and the person I’m becoming because you are my brother. 

I love you SO much. ❤️