Death is something that is as much a part of life as is birth and growth. The thing about it though... when the death is chosen... that's what hurts the most. It's the conversations we will never have. The questions you will never answer. I often wonder "what if?" But the truth behind that is that I can't let myself go down that rabbit hole because I would torment myself for eternity. I do know one thing though... one thing with every part of my soul and that is that you had no idea that this was permanent. I don't have anything to back me on that, but I can feel it and I can't help but want to spitefully lash out and ask you how well that worked out. Truth is, I'm still here. I'm angry. I'm relieved. I'm devastated. I'm basically every emotion from one side to the other and I don't know how to handle that. I want to hate you, but I can't because as much as I don't really understand, I do... in a way.
At the end of the day though, I hope that you have found your peace. I hope that you have found happiness. I hope that you are up there with both Grandmas and both Grandpas. I hope that you are watching over your little man. Four years old - it's almost unforgivable. I wish you peace and light in your journey and I hope that you have found your way home.
I wish I had one more chance to tell you I love you and hug you (because you are/were still my brother, still my family) but this will have to do. Be in peace. We will take it from here.
We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world.- Robert Louis Stevenson