In Remembrance of Gabriel Lopez

Dear Gabriel,

My son, you will never be forgotten. As long as I'm breathing, I will carry you in my heart and I will tell your story. You made me a mother and brought me so much joy.

I miss watching movies with you and listening to music together. I miss going out to dinner and listening to your stories. Your sense of humor and kindness are always on my mind.

I long to hear your voice and feel your hugs. Memories of holding you and feeding you and and singing to you and reading to you and walking with you fill my heart.

I look at your pictures and read your messages just to feel close to you. I sleep with your sweatshirt just to have something near me that was close to you. Your scent has faded and it breaks my heart but it still reminds me that you are with me.

I know you didn't want to hurt me this way and I forgave you immediately, but the pain is still so difficult to bear. I should be seeing your face as you walk through the door and I should be hearing your voice call my name. This is the hardest pain to bear. I lost a part of myself when I lost you. I lost my connection to your brother and sister and it's now my life's work to get it back.  Without you, our family will never be the same.

I go on because I have to and because I have work to do as a mother to your brother and sister. So, I share my stories of you and I talk to you when I'm alone. Through endless tears I beg you to come back to us because your brother and sister now live with broken hearts and I can't do anything about it. We're trying so hard to carry on and find joy in life. The work is hard and painful. Parry is married now and he's doing well in spite of his pain. You would be so proud of him. He's a wonderful husband and he has such good friends. Keeleigh is finding her way. She graduated from high school. She talks about you often and believes that you are watching over her. Please protect her and be her angel. I dream that you are with Grandma and Grandpa and I know they hold you close as I once did. I love you, Gabriel. I'll always be your mom and long for you to visit me in my dreams.

Love, Mom