Today, for the first time since June, my mother braved driving herself to my house to see the gifts Santa brought the boys. She has been fighting cancer like the warrior she is, but chemo and radiation has left her exhausted. She is beginning to feel like herself again. She was afraid to drive, but she did. She was just what I needed.
She played games with the boys for a while, then mentioned how itchy the wig felt. She didn’t bring her wrap she usually uses. I have not been brave enough to see her head. I just couldn’t have that reality “in my face” along with my reality of losing David. However, I didn’t want her uncomfortable. She was brave. I could be brave. Her hair is growing back! She asked if I wanted to feel how soft it is. I did. In that hair, I had an epiphany of sorts.
When I lost David back in August, I was stripped of everything I thought I was and what was true. In those early days, I had no idea how I would ever move forward. Over the last four months, there has been small regrowth. It’s not much, but it’s enough to bring me hope. I am softer, just like her hair, exception being dealing with certain people.
She and I talked for quite some time. She’s scared. We don’t know how surgery is going to pan out for her because of her many past surgeries. However, we will be brave together, all of us.
She shared the reactions of the ornaments I gave to everyone. (Only my sister opened hers in front of me). Everyone teared up, but felt David was perfectly honored according to his relationship with each person. I am grateful I was brave and faced that day.
I really wish that cancer and suicide didn’t have to be the cause, but these devastating days in our lives is what brought my family back together as a United front.
So thank you, momma, for taking off your wig and giving me hope in your hair.
